


One Plus One Equals Jared's Plan To Get Connor and Alana To Start Smooching

by JustARandomIdiot



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Comedy, Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), F/M, Jared and Connor are best friends, Matchmaking, Rated just bc of swearing, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Sincerely Us WInter Gift Exchange, Sincerely Us: Gift Exchange (Dear Evan Hansen), Texting, Tutoring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28444611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustARandomIdiot/pseuds/JustARandomIdiot
Summary: Jared finds out that his best friend Connor is going to get tutored by Alana Beck, so of course he decides he needs to set them up because why not? Oh, and Zoe helps too!For the Sincerely Us Summer Gift Exchange.
Relationships: Alana Beck & Jared Kleinman, Alana Beck/Connor Murphy, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Zoe Murphy
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	One Plus One Equals Jared's Plan To Get Connor and Alana To Start Smooching

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, ad-dictionary! I'm your giftee! I was really excited to do this prompt, so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Prompt I chose:  
> Alana is forced to tutor Connor, and Jared can't help but try to push them together. He just wants to see his best friend not die alone. He teams ups with Zoe, who helps work the Connor side of the operation. (Connor x Alana) (and perhaps Zoe x Jared- platonic or romantic)
> 
> Things before we get started:  
> 1) I personally hc Connor as demi/panro, Alana as ace/biro, Zoe as pan, and while I hc Jared as gay, I don't mention these sexualities at all in the story, so feel free to see it as whatever! I also do it like this so that the Zoe and Jared interaction can be interpreted as either platonic or pre-romantic, whichever you want to view it as.
> 
> 2) I was trying to make this like. Romantic comedy ish??? I dunno, but then I found that while Im able to write romance and comedies, it turns out rom com is p hard for me, but Im proud of what I got, even if it could’ve been better (but I promise I did my best with this prompt!)
> 
> 2.5) Uhhhh I think the writing of this was a little inspired by Monster Prom? I dunno i feel like it has those vibes, but its not exactly Monster Prom lol
> 
> 3) Why does Connor eat Oreos dipped in ketchup? Because I eat Oreos dipped in ketchup and my friends hate it.
> 
> I think that's all so I hope you enjoy the fic!

“A tutor? They’re making you get a tutor?”

Connor nodded once, his locks swaying a little as he did. “AP Calc is the fucking worst,” he muttered, slamming his locker shut.

Jared rolled his eyes. “I told you, that’s why you don’t enroll in AP classes, you’re gonna end up wasting time after school doing _more_ of that AP class.” This was what Connor got for not taking his advice: stuck with more Calculus.

“Didn’t you take AP Calc last year?”

“Well, _yeah_! And that’s why I’m telling you not to! AP is hell!”

Connor just stared at him, deadpan and done with bullshit. Like he usually looked like 95% of the time. “You passed,” he said rather bluntly. “You got a 5 on that exam. _And_ you were literally the top student in that class.”

Jared just shrugged with a grin. “Shoulda asked me for help then, dude!”

“I did. You said, and I quote, ‘No way in hell am I looking at Calculus ever again’.”

Oh yeah, he _did_ say that. “Because AP Calc is the worst!”

“You’re dual enrolling in Calc II.”

“Look, Mr. Johnson is the absolute worst teacher ever. AP Calc would’ve been a lot easier if someone else taught it.”

Connor sighed a sigh of defeat. “You’re right about him being the absolute worst. Guy can’t even teach.”

Jared nodded, the two of them heading off to their classes. At least they were able to agree on one thing. 

Another reason why Connor shouldn’t have taken AP Calc: the teacher.

Hm. Probably should’ve warned him about Mr. Johnson.

Oh well. What was done was done. And Jared already knew Mr. Johnson, so that wasn’t what he was interested in at the moment. That guy was old news.

“So who’s tutoring you?”

Connor took a moment to respond. “Beck.”

Jared stopped. No. Fucking. Way. Was he serious?

“Beck? As in Alana Beck?”

“Yeah?”

“As in, Alana ‘extra credit and volunteer hours’ Beck?”

Connor stared at him, clearly unamused. Like usual. “Your point?”

Jared just smirked. Man, this was going to be so good! “Nothing. Just that I’ve seen the eyes you give her in AP Lit.”

“So?”

So??? _So???_ “Dude, you’ve got the hots for her! This is your chance to ask her out!”

Connor just glared, Jared only laughing.

“Kleinman, shut it! I’m not gonna do that!” The taller then gripped the strap of his bag tighter, walking away. “And don’t you dare meddle in this!”

Jared waved as he walked off, his grin having never left his face. “I won’t!”

He would. 

Hey, he never promised not to! Besides, this was _definitely_ for the greater good! Connor would thank him later.

The question was _how_ to go about this. He couldn’t do it on his own, obviously not. This job was way too big for little old him. (Not that he was short. Nope, nuh uh, not short, shut up.) He needed help. And he knew the perfect person for the job.

* * *

_hey_

_hey_

_hey_

_hey_

_hey_

_hey_

_hey_

_hey_

_What do you want?_

_hey_

_its jared_

_from ap bio last year_

_Ik_

_You hang out w my brother a lot_

_What do you want?_

_connor is single right?_

_As far as ik, yeah_

_Why?_

_just making sure_

_What, you want to make a move?_

_what? no_

_i get im into guys but connie aint my type_

_You call my brother Connie?_

_look hes getting a tutor, and from what i hear his tutor is cute so im trying to set themup_

_Seriously?_

_come on do u want him to spend the rest of his days sad and lonely until hes an old man?_

_Do I look like i care?_

_He has you doesnt he?_

_will u just help me?_

_Fine_

_Whatever_

* * *

This was the stupidest thing she ever did.

Why did she even agree to this?

She didn’t really know Jared; all she knew was that they had a project together in AP Bio, and that he hung out with her brother a lot. And that he was kind of annoying. And also that now, he wanted to set her brother up with his tutor, whoever they were.

How was she supposed to go about this? She didn’t even know who his tutor was! Why would she be trying to convince him to go out with his tutor?

For sure, definitely someone who volunteered to be a tutor. Would’ve made it easier for Zoe to figure out who Connor’s tutor could be, if she actually knew who had volunteered to do it.

Most likely another senior, to be honest. And she didn’t know the senior class all too well, just a good handful of them.

Maybe she could get clues from Connor? Yeah, okay, that seemed like a good plan. Ask about them and then maybe convince Connor to go out with them?

Ugh, seriously? She was actually going along with Jared’s dumbass idea?

Well, it wasn’t like she had anything better to do. Might as well.

Making her way down the stairs of their home, she found her brother in the kitchen making… were those Oreos dipped in ketchup?

Zoe sighed to herself. What made Jared think they could set Connor up with someone when the guy ate Oreos dipped in ketchup? Who in their right mind would date someone like that?

If Zoe found out _her_ significant other ate Oreos dipped in ketchup, that would’ve been enough to convince her to break up with them. (Stay friends? Sure, she could tolerate that. But she could _not_ date anyone with such awful food tastes. She had _standards_.)

“Hey,” she greeted him.

Connor just nodded in response, taking a bite of the ketchup-covered cookie.

Zoe suppressed the urge to gag. God, that was gross… 

“So…” How was she going to go about this subtly? “I heard you’ll be going to tutoring after school now?”

Connor raised a brow skeptically as he chewed.

Well, that definitely wasn’t subtle. Zoe shrugged, as casually as she could, hoping to play it off as just a conversation topic. “Heard Dad say something about it today.” Which was true. She really did.

Connor swallowed. “And you care because?”

Uh… “I dunno, just wanted to talk I guess.”

Yep. Not subtle at all. She was absolutely terrible at this.

He just stared at her, before dipping another Oreo in ketchup, and biting into it.

Zoe shuddered.

No, don’t think about the Oreos in ketchup, even if they were right in front of her. She was on a mission. Albeit she was already failing said mission. And didn’t even want to be on this mission in the first place.

“So… who’s your tutor?”

Connor just stared with that stare that made it hard for her to read him. Which was how he looked almost all the time. Or she just never cared to figure out his expressions, one of the two.

“Why do you care so much about my tutoring all of a sudden?”

She held her hands up in defense. “I don’t!” And she really didn’t! Ugh, stupid Jared and his stupid matchmaking plan. He was the reason she was in this situation right now.

Her brother scoffed. “I dunno, you seem strangely interested in it.”

“I swear I’m not, I just—” 

Would he be mad at her if she told him that Jared was trying to set him up with his tutor? Probably. Zoe honestly never knew what could set him off. She should just play it safe. 

“N-never mind.”

Connor just shrugged, dipping another Oreo in his ketchup.

Ew.

At least she could finally stop watching him eat Oreos dipped in ketchup because seriously, that was horribly disgusting.

* * *

_Welp that didnt go so well_

_:/_

_I swear I tried_

_It just_

_Didnt go well_

_damn_

_Sorry dude_

_alright imma talk to alana_

_shes def a go getter shell get this relationship started_

_Wait his tutor is Alana?_

_ya_

_why_

_Nothing_

_Tbh I thought it would be Evan_

_ive already tried to set connie and ev up together before_

_didnt work out_

_Really?_

_So what makes you think he and Alana will work out?_

_just trust me it will ;)_

* * *

“So, I hear you’re tutoring Connor Murphy?”

Jared grinned, leaning against the lockers next to him as cool as he could.

Alana just raised a brow, opening her own. “Yeah, and?”

So far, so good.

“Oh, nothing! Hey, you know he’s single?”

“What?”

Jared nodded. This was going great so far! “Oh yeah, Connie’s _very_ single. Not because he’s like, terrible or anything. I mean, he _can_ be pretty terrible, but he’s pretty nice once you get to know him!” 

He waggled his eyebrows a little, to add a little charm, you know? 

“He’s also pretty hot and sexy, and who doesn’t love a pretty hot and sexy and single individual? Great boyfriend material, you know? Plus, he’s single!”

Hm. Probably not the most interesting description to use. But hey, whatever works will work, right?

Well, didn’t seem to work on Alana, who just stared at him as she slowly took out a couple textbooks. “Okay…?”

Ugh, come on, Alana, keep up a little! Did Jared seriously have to do all the work? Well, he better up his game to make Connor as charming as possible. Maybe she’s into the smart people, not the hot and sexy people.

“And not only is he hot and sexy and single, but he’s also _really_ into literature! Like, uh… Great Gatsby! Shakespeare! Um, other good literature books! Or something. He knows a lot of books, so you _know_ he’s also smart! Right?”

Alana just continued to stare, without any answer.

Okay, seriously? Was she just gonna keep staring until the bell rang? It felt incredibly awkward with him being the only one talking, especially since it was usually Alana who did most of the talking.

Jared held back a sigh. How was she always able to say so much? He was running out of good things to say about Connor!

Hm. That wasn’t really a good sign. But Jared was anything but a quitter (when it came to stuff he was sure he could succeed in, like Connor’s love life)!

“Okay, so you _are_ tutoring him in math, and honestly? He absolutely sucks at math. Like, the worst at it, maybe worse than Matt Holtzer. But a man’s ability to do math doesn’t mean anything about his smarts, ya know?”

Still not a single word from her. For love of Pete, would she say something already??? 

He tried to grasp any good thing he could say about Connor. “Oh! And his hair is extremely soft and silky and—”

“You know, Jared?” Alana finally spoke. (Took her long enough!) “I think it’s nice to hear you say such kind things about someone! You’re usually not like that!”

Jared grinned wider. “Why, thank you—”

“Though if you’re nervous about asking Connor out, I think you should just go for it!”

Wait. What?

Jared felt his entire being freeze.

“Uh, that wasn’t what I was—”

Alana just kept speaking, a wide smile on her face. “It’s okay if you’re scared, but what do you have to lose? The worst that’ll happen is that he won’t return the feelings, but it’s not the end of the world!”

No! That wasn’t why he was saying all that! How could it be going so horribly wrong already?!

“Hold on, I wasn’t confessing any—”

“Well, I’d better get going to class, the bell is gonna ring soon. Good luck in wooing Connor! I’m sure you two will make a _wonderful_ couple!” And with that smile that never left her face, she turned around and walked away, Jared left staring at her.

This did _not_ go according to plan. At all.

* * *

_SHE THINKS I LIKE HIM_

_Dude, calm down_

_SHE THINKS I FUCKING LIKE HIM_

_I mean_

_I did too_

_You and Connor hang out a lot_

_THAT DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING_

_Also calling him stuff like “hot” and “sexy” and whatever else you said really makes it seem like you do like him_

_okay fair point ig_

_but why cant i call a friend hot???? cant a bro call his bro hot and sexc?????_

_Bc most people wont take that as “bros”_

_boooo_

_dumb ppl_

_anywya we need another way to get them tgoether_

_any ideas?_

_Guess we’re still doing this_

_Uhhhh idk_

_comeon do u hav nothing?????_

_Why are you asking me?_

_zoe_

_pls_

_pls zoe_

_zoe pls_

_zoe_

_zo_

_zoe_

_Hhhhhhhhhhh_

_zoeeeeeeeee_

_Write smth maybe?_

_Like fake letters for a confession or smth_

_Idk_

_Hello?_

_Jared?_

_zoe murphy u r a GENIUS_

_ok u make a letter and make it seem like its from con and ill put it in alanas locker tmr_

_Im seriously wondering why Im still going along w this_

* * *

Okay, this plan was _bound_ to work.

Zoe had taken some of Connor’s old homework during his afterschool tutor session with Alana and traced the letters of his handwriting from the assignments to write a full letter, which was basically a confession. Even though they didn’t know if Connor really liked Alana (but Jared was like, 97.5% sure that he did). It wasn’t much, pretty much straight to the point, just like Connor usually was. Then she handed the letter (now folded) to Jared that morning for him to slip into Alana’s locker, which he did.

Then when she’d go to her locker, she’d find the letter, read it, hopefully have feelings as well, then bam! They would be dating! 

Maybe. 

No, yeah, definitely!

_This_ plan was absolutely perfect, no way this could fail!

“Jared!”

Wait, Alana? Shouldn’t she be on her way to her lunch period by now?

He stopped and turned around, the girl slowing down as she caught up. She was smiling, her eyes sparkling.

Oh yeah, it worked.

“I got the letter!” she said, panting a little. She lifted up the familiar piece of paper in her hand, the same one Jared had slipped into her locker that morning.

It _definitely_ worked.

He couldn’t help but grin. “Oh, sweet!” he replied. “So you gonna ask Co—”

“I didn’t realize you had feelings for me!”

Wait, what?!

“Wait—”

But Alana just kept talking, like she always did. “When I saw you sliding this letter in my locker this morning, I never would’ve guessed that it was a confession letter! And so straightforward!”

She handed him back the letter, which he noticed _wasn’t signed_.

Oh no.

“Alana, this isn’t—”

“I never realized you could be so direct. And I didn’t even realize that you liked me like that! I honestly thought you liked Connor after our conversation a couple days ago. Guess you were trying to make me jealous, huh?”

Did this girl ever slow down? Jared couldn’t find any point to even interject, trying to clear up this misunderstanding. She barely gave any pause.

“And honestly, it’s really sweet. Seriously! I mean it! But I’m sorry to tell you that I don’t feel the same way.”

The girl then grinned widely, pushing her glasses up her nose.

“We can still be friends, though! See you in AP Literature!”

And with that statement, she went on her way, leaving Jared to stand in the hallway, rather dumbfounded.

What the _fuck_ just happened?

Did this plan just fail? And did he just get _rejected_?!

* * *

_SHE THINKS I LIKE HER NOW_

_Lmaooooooooo_

_AND NOT ONLY THAT I WAS REJECTED_

_SHE REJECTED ME_

_I WAS FUCKING REJECTED_

_Lol sucks to suck_

_And next time dont be so obvious abt putting a letter into her locker_

_YOU WERE SUPOSED TO SIGN IT W CONNORS NAME_

_Lmao my bad_

_im honestly starting to think you dont even want conlana to get together_

_Conlana?_

_thats what im calling them_

_thats theyre ship name now_

_conlana_

_First of all, thats weird_

_Second of all, like i said before, i dont care_

_Third of all, its not like im not trying!!_

_Im not sabotaging on purpose!!_

_whatever_

_we need another plan_

_Fourth of all, why are you so obsessed w getting them together?_

_one that WONT fail_

_BC WHY NOT_

_Dude let it go already_

_NO_

_THIS NEEDS TO WORK_

_Dont you find it weird that youre meddling so much w your best friends love life?_

_no_

_this is perfectly normal_

_Right_

_Sure_

_welp_

_desperate times call for desperate measures_

_we have NO CHOICE_

_These are not desperat etimes_

_we have to take DIRECT ACTION_

_Jared_

_Jared_

_Jared_

_Jared_

_WE MUST GO TO THEM OURSELVES AND FORCE THEM TO CONFESS THEIR UNDYING LOVE FOR EACH OTHER_

_Jared_

_Dude_

_I thought we’re just setting them up_

_we are_

_but that was more dramatic_

_more fun to type abt undying love ;)_

_Why are you like this_

_we’ll probably just say the other one has smth to say to the other_

_Okay bc if we were gonna do smth ridiculous I was ready to quit_

_nonsense_

_i wouldnt be THAT dramatic_

_…_

  
  


_besides this is bound to be the push in the right direction i know it_

_:)_

* * *

“Remind me why I have to be here?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “We’re making sure _this_ plan goes smoothly, duh!”

It was Zoe’s turn to roll her eyes. God, this was so dumb. “How long are we gonna be doing this?” she asked, though she’d probably regret asking, if she were honest. “Like, when are we gonna stop with all the matchmaking shit?”

“Until your brother and his tutor finally start smooching,” Jared answered, peeking through the books on the library shelves.

Zoe sighed. Next time, she wasn’t going to get involved in any of Jared’s weird schemes. This was the last one.

“You know people are gonna think we’re weird, standing here and staring through the–”

“Shh! He’s going to her!”

Well, currently she had nothing better to do. Might as well see what happens. She pushed a few books aside, watching as her older brother sat down at the table that Alana was at. 

“You told Connor about Alana liking him, right?” Jared whispered to her.

“Yeah, just told him ‘Hey, someone told me that your tutor likes you,’ and he said ‘Okay,’ and then that was it.” There wasn’t much to that story, really. “And you told Alana?”

Silence.

“If you’re nodding, I can’t see you.”

“Of course I told her,” Jared replied quietly. “She just said she’ll talk about it with Connie during this session.”

In silence, they watched as Connor and Alana talked about… something. Zoe couldn’t tell what.

“What do you think they’re saying?” Zoe asked, a few moments having passed.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? ‘Oh, Alana, I’m so in love with you! I want to just put my lips on your lips and make out all day!’”

Zoe cringed. God, was he for real? “Seriously? That’s your impression of my brother?”

She couldn’t see his face at the moment, but she could basically feel his smirk. That dumb Jared Kleinman smirk. “Pretty spot on, huh?”

She wasn’t going to answer that. “Also, there’s no way he said that!”

“And what makes you say that?”

“Because my brother doesn’t talk like that.”

“You doubting my ability to read lips?”

“Their backs are facing us.”

“I’m _amazing_ at reading lips!”

Zoe groaned. God, he was annoying.

“‘Oh, Connor! Kiss me! Kiss me right now!’” he continued, this time in a falsetto probably meant to mimic Alana’s voice. Which sounded nothing like her.

Zoe was going to punch him. If she wasn’t in the school library. But if they were anywhere else she would’ve punched him.

“Jared Kleinman, I swear to God, shut up!” she hissed at him. “They’re going to hear us!” Or the librarians were going to kick them out. One of the two.

“All right, all right, I’ll be quiet. Jeez.”

_Finally_. And he _did_ shut up. Zoe was finally able to watch Connor and Alana in silence, wondering if their stupid plans to set them up actually worked.

Probably not.

* * *

“How long do you think they’ll be at this?”

Connor shrugged, holding back his chuckles. “Dunno. Pretty funny, though, how hard they’re trying to make this work. Or at least, how hard Kleinman’s trying.” He had to admit, he had never seen his best friend so passionate about something. Even if that something _was_ meddling with his love life.

Still, it was pretty amusing.

Alana smiled. “Yeah. I never really realized how fun it is to mess with Jared. I should do it more often!”

Connor raised a brow with a teasing smirk. “Did I just hear Miss Beck saying she wants to mess with someone?”

Her expression turned guilty, and she let out a soft chuckle. “Hey, it’s only Jared!”

Connor snickered. “Okay, fair point.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he snuck a quick glance over to the shelves, where his sister and his best friend were so obviously hiding— did they not realize how obvious they were?— before pulling out his last AP Calculus quiz. One that he wasn’t exactly proud of. Biting his lip, he slowly handed it over to Alana.

She grimaced as she looked over the grade and the red markings. “Oh God, did you even try on this?!” she asked, pushing her glasses up her nose.

“Like I said before, I suck at math.”

She shook her head with a sigh. “It’s a wonder you even got into AP Calc.”

“My parents wanted me to take the class, not me.”

For a few minutes, she just guided him through all the questions that he missed step by step, Connor just silently listening. Well, pretending to listen, actually. He didn’t really care about the math. It wasn’t his thing.

But he _did_ enjoy the time spent with Alana.

“Do you think we should tell them?” he suddenly asked as she was in the middle of explaining what integral he should’ve used.

“Connor, focus!” she gently scolded him.

“Okay, but seriously, should we tell them that we’ve already been dating for two months?”

Alana paused, giving a small smile as she peeked at him over her glasses. “We could,” she started slowly, “but I think it’s more fun to see what else they try to do to get us together.”

Connor grinned. Best thing she’s ever said. “Ooh, bad girl Beck! Didn’t think I’d see this side of you!”

Alana grinned awkwardly. “Well, it’s not being _bad_ , per say. It’s just funny!”

“Okay, true.”

He watched her continue to correct his math work, admiring how neat the strokes of her blue pen were instead of actually looking at her corrections.

“I’m amazed that we were able to hide our relationship for this long, though,” Alana suddenly spoke up.

“Didn’t you mention something about your dads being annoying about this stuff before?” Connor pointed out.

Alana sighed, handing him back his quiz. “Yeah, you should’ve seen them when Sabrina and I were together!” She paused. “Actually, no, I wouldn’t want you to see that. But it was pretty annoying, so I’d rather not let them find out about us just yet, I wouldn’t want them scaring you away. Er, not that Sabrina and I broke up because of my dads, but it was pretty overbearing.”

Connor took a quick glance at his test. Huh. So it was supposed to be a negative cosine. Noted. Not that he’d actually remember that for the test, probably. 

“Oh, I get that,” he said, focusing back onto the people trying to play matchmaker with him and Alana. “My mom would definitely not leave me alone if she found out I was dating. Plus, I’m kinda already dealing with Kleinman and my sister right now.”

He subtly motioned to where the two were poorly hiding, and he and Alana giggled softly.

“When do you think they’ll find out?”

Connor gave her a small smile. “When they learn that I don’t need to be making out with you to love you.”

The two of them haven’t had their first kiss yet. The most they’ve ever done is hold hands in private, have some coffee dates, and see a few movies together. But they didn’t need to be very physical for Connor to know that he loved her. Any moment with Alana was precious to him.

And he could feel his heart flutter as his girlfriend tried— and failed— to suppress her grin, hiding it behind her hand. She was so adorable when she did that! “Aw, you’re so sweet! I love you too, Con!”

He felt his smile widen as she said that. God, he loved her. He really did.

They stayed that way for a few moments longer, before going back to his test, discussing integrals and different ways to continue messing with Jared and Zoe.

“What do you think they’re gonna do next?”

“I dunno, but hopefully it’s ridiculous. I wanna see how far they take this.”

“What should we tell them after this session?”

Connor laughed. “Just say we forgot about it. It’ll drive Kleinman nuts!”


End file.
